Bill Engvall

  • American comedian
  • Born July 27, 1957

William Ray Engvall Jr. (born July 27, 1957) is an American comedian and actor best known for his work as a stand-up comic, his signature "Here's Your Sign" bit, and as a member of the Blue Collar Comedy group.

I always wanted to be an actor. I always wanted to be John Wayne.

I hate stupid people. They should have to wear signs that just say, 'I'm stupid.'

I was doing a bit that stupid people should be slapped. But the more I did it, the more I didn't like that connotation, the violence and all that. The more I thought about it, I thought they should just wear signs. And, man, it just took off.

I am feeling older every day.

Europe has such an expansive history.

I've learned in my older age that sexy gets you further than brains.

Left to my own vices, all I would own is a Corvette, and it would be broken down.

When I drove up on the set one day, and they'd put up a sign that says 'The Bill Engvall Show,' I stood there for 20 minutes just staring at it. The director, James Widdoes, came up and said, 'What are you doing?' And I said, 'Look at this! There's my name on a stage door in Hollywood!'

If you're just a nice guy - you don't let people walk on you - but if you're just a nice guy and treat people right, good things happen.

My belief is that if we take away that right to bear arms, the only people that are going to have them are... the ones breaking into your house.

If you watch the 'Blue Collar Tour,' I was probably the least redneck of everybody.

As my wife says, I'll never fully retire, but it'll start to slow down. I'll continue to do the local gigs or go to Las Vegas. But I won't be going out to Ohio to play an Indian casino anymore. Those will probably go by the wayside.

I'm from Texas. You would think my biggest draw would be in that state. But my biggest draw is Pennsylvania.

I eat fish, chicken, vegetables and other healthier foods. I do love a great steak.

I'm a California Angels fan because that's the first game my dad took me to see, and they stuck with me.

To be honest with you, I still eat whatever I want. It's all about portion control. I still love pizza, but instead of eating half, I eat a slice.

My favorite road trip ever is when my wife and I took an RV around the country. We just had the best time.

A lot of times you go to a concert, and when you leave, you don't know anything more about the act then when you got there.

I'm a blue collar guy.

I have been passed over on some things because people didn't think I was edgy enough. But the people who took those gigs are gone now, and I am still here.

People are trying to figure out how to pay bills and make ends meet. They don't want to turn on the TV and say, 'What is this crap?'

I travel fairly lightly because you have to these days. I always take a laptop and an iPod so I can watch movies and listen to music. And my Gameboy. That's a good time-killer.

It's fun being Bill Engvall.

I can't count the number of times I've been sound asleep, woke up, and I was doing my hair.

Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'

I'd like to see the Amazon rainforests before they're all gone, and also the Galapagos - that's another one I'd like to do. I'd love to go diving in those areas. Basically, places, like, that are kind of going away, and I'd like to see them before they all become condos and high-rises.

When 'Blue Collar TV' was on the 'WB,' we were their second-highest rated show, but they didn't know what to do with us. They had 'Reba,' which was number one, and we were number two, and they didn't want to be known as the hayseed network, so they kind of dropped us, even though we were pulling great numbers.

My goal is for 'The Bill Engvall Show' to be a show the networks look at and say, 'Ooh, maybe we should get back to the family sitcom.'

I dream of acting with Kevin Costner. I would love to do a movie with him. Not something funny, but a dramatic role.

I learned that you don't take dishes from the table to the dishwasher; you have to rinse them first. I think that's stupid because I don't go out in the back yard and hose off before taking a shower.

America loves to watch people growing and getting better.

I think you can ban guns if you can just pull the trigger and 60 bullets fire out.

It's funny: people who meet me say, 'I thought you'd be different.' But I'm still the same guy.

I love stand up, but every year, the road takes a little more out of you.

Standup is a form of therapy. It is OK to tell problems to your audience as long as you are being honest and not boring them. I tell them that I am saving $75 an hour when I talk to them instead of a therapist.

I love to laugh, and laughter is one of my favorite things. When you have a really good laugh, you feel great afterwards.