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Artie Lange

  • American actor
  • Born October 11, 1967

Arthur Steven Lange Jr. (born October 11, 1967) is an American stand-up comedian and actor, best known for his tenures on The Howard Stern Show and the sketch comedy series Mad TV. Born and raised in New Jersey, Lange first worked as a longshoreman and taxi driver to help support his family following the death of his quadriplegic father. In 1987, he made his debut as a stand up comic and took up the profession full-time in the early 1990s, performing in clubs and improv shows in and around New York City.


Of course in show business there are two ways to play it and I am not politically correct so I am not going to get endorsements or anything like that.




Vegas means comedy, tragedy, happiness and sadness all at the same time.




I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.

I'm very resilient. The only thing I'm missing right now are abs.




I am not the easiest guy to live with. It is probably the lack of stability in my life.




It's a life of five-card draw, and you know what? When God asked me - I'm fine with the card I got. I'm gonna play this.




You know you have a gambling problem when it's 4 A.M. at the Mirage Sports Book and you're walking around going, 'Hey you get the lacrosse scores?'




My father was a really good athlete, so his pop-ups really were sky high. Eventually I learned how to judge them properly and catch them well. It was great training for when I started to play on teams, which I did all through school.




Googling me, you talk about being depressed. First of all there's 18 websites that predict my early death.




When I became a standup comic, my hero, one of them, was Richard Pryor, and you know, I think that comedians, like, comedians talk about hacks, and what a hack is, is someone who does stuff that's not original.




Unlike a lot of comics, I didn't care about getting on 'Saturday Night Live.' That show had such history and was so established that I didn't see the point.




I ain't apologizing for anything, especially if it's a joke.




When you're an adult, when times are good, entire years go by in what feels like the space of one season. But the worst trick time plays on you is just how slowly the worst times in your life take you to live through.




I wish I was this dark genius artist - like Richard Pryor or something.




Eddie Murphy said once in an interview that nothing is offensive if it's funny. I sort of agree with that, but if something's funny and you're the subject of it, sometimes it's more offensive. If someone's insulting you, you want them to sound like an idiot.




And now it looks like I'm probably going to shoot a movie that I wrote. I got the money to do it, and I would star and all, because of being on Howard.




When you did impressions on 'MADtv,' the producers gave you a Walkman that played huge sections of whatever movie was being parodied, with your character's catchphrases recorded on a loop. You'd wear this thing around during rehearsals and for a week listen to the voice you had to impersonate over and over again. It drove all of us crazy.




Comedians, we're just people who whine. But we happen to be funny when we whine. Like, if Jerry Seinfeld wasn't funny, you'd want to punch him in the face; he'd just seem like a whiner to you. But the fact is that he's funny.




I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.

I have been in a lot of movies, but none of them are critics' darlings, you might say.




Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative.

Thank God I have a financial planner who is really conservative.




When you're on the road a lot, you're in perpetual search of a good night's sleep.




It's weird because standup can be like therapy. Comedians can't be satisfied with just having fun with our friends. We've got to figure out a way to do it on stage.




People are so nice, you know. It's such a credit to Howard Stern - the audience base that he created is such a special thing. It took him a long time to create this family of fans, and I was lucky to be a part of that for a while.




I've never been swimming, and that's because it's never been more than half an hour since I last ate.



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